.

d

2007-02-24T21:45:00.000+08:00

&I'm quite aware we're dying .

Blame it on the weather, but I'm a mess
And this February darkness has me hating everyone
And I know I need your comfort, but this drama makes me sick
And the longer I lay here I know it's harder to get up
without you

Lose another day here
Lose another year here
I'm with you

Find me something out there that's making sense
And it's just another trend carefully hidden in your dress
And the cycles never ending and the fashions overdone
And the further that I run away, the further I'll come back
to shelter.

You are the fire on my apartment floor
Sixteen stories, I'd rather burn than fall
It isn't fate that took us all by storm
It's just the turn of a card

Goodbye, old friend
Goodbye, goodnight
I'll move on
You'll call it fate, I'll call it karma
We had our time, it was fun
while it lasted

These memories will never leave me
Don't be sad
cause life goes on, life goes on
It's getting too late
Tomorrow is here

Somedays i love you
Somedays i need you
Somedays i just want to hate you
But most of the time i dont know.
You need to know that i'll always love you,
I didnt mean to leave but i couldnt stay,
Reasons.
Seems like things will never get better,
We're both tired, i dont think we'll last another round of this
Maybe some things weren't meant to be.
Eitherways,
I hope you get your fairytale ending.
~~But they said a hero'd save us .~~

2006-10-30T00:17:00.000+08:00

You should have done this long ago

& days pass so fast nowadays
& there's nothing worth remembering.
& no, nothings certain anymore
& dont promise me things you cant deliver
& why ain't you calling when i need you the most?

Well Uncle Andy came over from Canada today, and i was pretty hostile to him because i didnt want him to see, but now i'm angry with myself because all i wanted to do was to talk give him a big hug and spend some time together, well i'll be seeing him in 24weeks, wth.

& Keeran mad me day today !

[c=4][i]|||KIREN playing the jealously game [/i][/c] says:
its fun disturbing my childhood crush

see it ain't hard to make my day (:
& here's the really important part :
He was my childhood crush too !
I LOVE YOU CHILDHOOD BESTFRIEND (:
& i miss all the times we spent & its really sad to see us calrose gdners drifting.
i really hope i can make it for trick or treating this tues,
I MISS YOU ALL :(

&&amp;amp;amp;&&&& . i just learnt something terrible!
Keeran was the one responsible for Ronald's two broken arms!
haha, FOUR years late but, oh wells.

FOR ALL THE GIRLS OUT THERE
this is KEERAN
http://y-rated.blogspot.com

Honey why you calling me so late
It's kinda hard to talk right now
Honey why you crying is everything okay
I gotta whisper cause I can't be too loud
Well, my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
Let it Die
never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It's funny that you're calling me tonight
And yes I dreamt of you too
And does he know you're talking to me will it start a fight
No, I don't think she has a clue
Well my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
Let it die
never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
Let it die
never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
(let it die,I never wanna say goodbye)
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

Honey why you calling me so late

& its too late now.
No its not gonna work out anymore,
so here's my goodbye .

22

2006-10-22T22:41:00.000+08:00

Lost in confusion

Today was an ordinary day made special by a few special people in my life. ldf ; Kelvin.

And i thought that today would just be a ldf outing, like shopping and pigging out. But you guys really gave me a suprise. I never knew that you guys cared so much about me and planned this so long age. And as i said, it was just yesterday when i was feeling all along and insignificant. (too many other thoughts&feelings so heck with it) So thankyou for spending thewhole afternoon with me and putting up with my constant cheating (: And really i hope you guys know how much this means to me. & i know that we will continue to stick together and grow closer. I love you people (: And you people mean so much to me i never want to let you go .
And i know that i havent been a really good friend and i dont deserve all this but you need to know how greatful i am

Kelvin : I'll know you'll never see this, but i'm sorry today was just a slipshot affair. And i'm sorry i dont have enough courage have a decent conversation or meal with you. And i know im not much of a friend, and i wish i could be a better friend, but it feels too goddamn awkward. Nevertheless, thankyou for all the presents (:

And its been too long since i've been kepping things all bottled up inside. And all these things just pile up inside, but no, i'm not gonna let them out. I rather let them tear me up inside and i'm sorry that these things make me such a bitter person at times. (sorry cinch&many more)

And i hope you know that the the reason i'm not talking you you is not because i dont care anymore, but there are just too many things that make me hesitate. And you cant expect me to make the first move when I dont even know whats happening or how you feel. And it feels like i'm paying a game without knowing the rules. I'm torn between the thoughts of holding on and the constant signs that tell me to let go. And most of all, i dont wanna hurt you anymore.

Stranger than your sympathy
And this is my apology
I killed myself from the inside out
And all my fears have pushed you out

And I wished for things that I don't need
And what I chase won't set me free
And I get scared but I'm not crawlin' on my knees

Oh, yeah
Everything's all wrong, yeah
Everything's all wrong, yeah
Where the hell did I think I was?

And stranger than your sympathy
Take these things, so I don't feel
I'm killing myself from the inside out
And now my head's been filled with doubt
It's hard to lead the life you choose
When all you luck's run out on you
And you can't see when all your dreams are coming true

Oh, yeah
It's easy to forget, yeah
When you choke on the regrets, yeah
Who the hell did I think I was?

And stranger than your sympathy
And all these thoughts you stole from me
And I'm not sure where I belong
And no where's home and I'm all wrong

And I was in love with things I tried to make you believe I was
And I ~~wouldn't~~would be the one to kneel before the dreams I wanted
And all the dark and all the lies were all the empty things disguised as me

A big thankyou to those who wished (:
though one day early .

e

2006-08-14T23:26:00.001+08:00

School was slack. Cinch is fun! Wifey chased me around the bloody level and I had to go shoeless because she took them, so I took her pouch thingie. Rather hilarious, Tilda had to be the mediator, hoho. J8, Click. OMG, never watch a sad movies with me or Wifey cause we will cry like hell alot. Freaking embarrassing okay, plus i was blowing my nose, damn loudly =x Oh ya, lucien made me scream damn loudly in Ice Lemon Tee. Freaking embrassing. Okay that all.

e

2006-08-14T23:26:00.000+08:00

so long sweet summer

2006-08-12T13:00:00.000+08:00

So long sweet summer,
I stumbled upon you and gratefully basked in your rays.
So long sweet summer,
I feel into you
Now you're gracefully fading away

Okay, so I've been down with the cold for some time. Well and occasional fevers but I'm so proud of myself for pressing on and going for cca, although it wasnt as good as I hoped. Evaluation made partner&I more determined to prove them wrong. We're definately not the best but we'll try and we know we'll see eye to eye one day, right? And, WIFEY, dont be angry! Yes I know you care that's why you wanted me to go home ):

Fancy this comming form a last-minute person like myself but, I HATE LAST MINTUE PEOPLE WHO CALL AT 11PM+++ AND EXPECT YOU TO HELP THEM INForm EVEYONE ABOUT CHANGES AND THEN EXPECT YOU TO DO THEM A FAVOUR.

And sometimes I wonder how I managed to brush off all the signs and sink myself deeper into this pit I've dug since oh so long ago. I guess my life is very much filled with confusion, deception, irony, contradiction and lies. Yes I'm pretty happy that way. _, I miss your presence in my everday life so much, y'know? Somehow, after all this while, it seems like all we have is each other, like we've ended up right where we started and this rollercoaster ride was just a strain of my sainity&yours, # .
& You, I still think You don't. But for some damn reason I need You to know that I still love You, I ~~dont~~ .

Hey thanks,
Thanks for that summer.
It's cold where you're going
I hope that you're heart's always warm

And quite truthfully I'm drained. Physically and mentally.

pp

2006-08-08T23:49:00.000+08:00

Put your emotions where your mouth is

Today was okay, MANY SAID FLAG WAS GOOD ! :B
Damn unexpected, it wasnt Char&I's best raise, but nevertheless, I LOVE YOU CHAR, and sorry for being late despite your morning call, thus making you worry.
&&& krys said it was the best raise in np so far, this made char&I very happy people ;D sorry for hao lian-ing
WELL DONE SNNPCC ;D

Then library with puay char val shiyun and vvn to plan JTC07. I'm excited, the beginning of yet another beautiful partnership :D Had the usual, oreo bing and tip top at the playground. hoho, I love THE FLAGBEARERS and our usual meal ;D

And after that partner&I went to the coffee shop to discuss cause we were too darn lazy to walk back to the library. Damn funny, We(rateher I) kept laughing and we were like trying berhanti in the coffee shop. Well I like my partner loads, but I'm still damn scared we dont have mo qi you know! ): WE CAN DO IT! <3

AM I THE ONLY FREAKING PERSON WHO MISSES OBS?
I really rather be an OBS instructor and isolate myself from the world, yeah, seems fun. I really miss Battuta like hell loads.
Regina Val Jun Fei Olivai Inez Si'en Jas Na Wang Yingchen Stephie Mich Nat Peiqi Jocelyn KENNY
Funny how bonded we've become within 5 days. You guys are amazing, I love every single one of you!

Life's an excuse to get hurt, and to hurt. Do you like to hurt? I do. I do. So hurt me now.

2006-08-06T17:14:00.000+08:00

Oh these few days have been bliss (:

VAL PUAY ME CHAR
Yes we shall be the best flag raisers on national day(and probably one only ones). Omfg we had the greatest fun on friday composing songs and cheers and laughing. And holy shit, turning is damn impossible, at least on that platform. And char as threader is simply :B she scares me like shit and makes me laugh until I pee in my pants. And all four of us have googoogaga fun together, PARTNERS <3 style="font-size:78%;">(we may not be the best but hoho, who cares!)

PAUY! PARTNER

ss

2006-08-03T22:26:00.000+08:00

I'll wait for the postman,
To bring me a letter.
And I'll wait for the good Lord
To make me feel better.

Long walks home, yes they make me think alot. Thoughts come. They hurt. But I refuse to think about it because it hurts too much and I'm plain childish and cowardly. Nat makes me laugh dang alot, esp during chinese and ongshan will give us these terrible stares. Today it was how lians talk, like kekes and wakakaka. Omg la, the way she pronounced it make it crack but we couldnt laugh out loud, rather hilarious. AND FOR THE LAST TIME, MY ENGLISH ISN'T THAT BAD! Yes i have terrible spelling and limited vocab, but i have no problems conversing in english. If she didnt say it during chinese I'd have screamed. Classroom deco was okay i guess, but it was evident which classes were the ones competing, like J F L G and the rest were, okay nevermind. And I dont know why but I miss shan's bimbo comments and weird stuff, well she'll back soon. Shit I own tons of homework. Aye Sandra, dont be like that! Char&I are raising flag on national day, we're both bloody excited :B which means we wont have to be in the contingent practicing drills tmr, which is :DDDDDDDDDDD And hell, stop acting close lor, I know you fake one!

You know I hate You. I do. I hate You so so much. But did You know I love You more? And so what if there are others better than You? I dont care.

And it's okay. Really you dont need to apologise, I just wish you'd share your feelings with someone, anyone. And yes, it was a bad mistake, but you can learn from it. Okay who am I to say this again. Oh gosh, please fix your phone!

Oh and I must be the lousiest sister in the whole damn world. I'm so sorry my most beloved brother, for forgetting your birthday ): And I'm late by two days.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DANIEL ONG :D
if you see this then something must be terribly wrong. because how the hell would you know my blog?(Please tell me you dont)

I love this song hell lots:
I will promise myself I won't care
distracting myself from your stare
and I've seen this mistake once before
with your games I will never fall for
I've hung up my guns
I won't kill again

I won't forget you
I'm not gonna let you win
but I'm tired of lying
tired of fighting you
and it's not gonna change

You ask for my heart
you know that I'm down
but not the way you lie to me
you tear it all apart and beg for me to say
I sail off to sea
I'm not coming back

Counting down
Make that sounds
When you know it makes no sense
Counting down
Till you mess around
When I know you can't ever change
Why am I trembling?
Throw it overboard
When I'm ready to we'll progress
Counting down
Make that sounds
Break the silence

Pretend it's not for never
I'll pull myself together
I'll say that I'll forget her
I'll breathe
And I'll say she never hurt me
And look at it as learning
And laugh about the good and the bad
Because I won't live forever
We don't belong together
I know I'll be all better
One day when I can make it through

oh life.

2006-07-31T21:44:00.000+08:00

She doesn't want to look anymore,
Because everywhere she turns,
The signs all point the same way,
Confirming her worst fears.

I dont know why I come here anymore. All I do here is type out a few meaningless words and underscore the words I've been dying to say, but oh well. I've learnt from Your mistakes, and I know quiet speaks best. In a blink of an eye, I dont know what's happened, and I suddenly feel that the only person I can trust is myself. And this distance between _&I seem horrible, I remember when we were so close and now, I feel so foreign to everything that's happened to you. I guess I've been taking you for granted all this while, and it feels weird without you to fall back on, I miss the everydays I spent with you, so so much, you know? And to the two CWs, I'm so sorry I wasnt there when you needed someone, next time please call okay! And everywhere I look, it just brings me back to that same thought, yes the one I've been hoping was just another foolish thought, but I guess this time it's for real. And everytime I see the signs it cuts me deeper. It's for all the wrong reasons, I'm really in denial.

And I just heard NAPFA challenge has been canceled, like wth, we trained for nothing! :/
School's been hell, tests after test, yes, my PPR for this term is going to be so, ugh. Okay, I'm gonna be strong (: Ey, and suddenly I really miss St. Dominic's choir ): Shan didnt come to school today, i bet she pon lor. (right!) And I think all this trying to be hero is making me bitter inside, I guess I owe cindy an apology for being such a lousy table partner. You know I love you right Chia XinYu ! <3

Here's to all who are upset and feeling like fuck.

Tonight my heart is cold, lost in Your lies. Shallow advise.

cw

2006-07-29T20:08:00.000+08:00

This is a very rushed post, but I REALLY NEED TO DO IT.

I know i'm very hypocritical, okay I'm sorry. Do you want me to say "oh very good for you, please continue, you know how much it helps right!"? I know I'm in no position to tell you not to do so, but you expect me to sit and watch? And dont say it's not the same thing, you know it is, it's all for the same reasons isn't it? If ou want me to rephase it, then fine, I dont like it when you do that either, it ruler thing. And you havent screwed all your friendships, no matter how strongly iggy and i feel about it, we'll always be here to listen, right iggy?

mmmm

2006-07-27T21:25:00.000+08:00

I use to be so sure, but now I dont know anymore.

Some things are better left unsaid.

disappointment

2006-07-26T22:32:00.000+08:00

We spoke through silence.

Had Bio SPA today. I think I screwed it up bad. Like the only give away thing and I couldn't even do it properly. Chinese compo was screwded too, i wrote damn little. Literature and Chinese test tmr, and Geog test on friday, yay! Couldn't go for popcomm recess because of NAFA training ):

What do You want from me? What do You want me to be? A lover? A friend? Your confidant? Do You want me to be Your hero? Or do You want to be my escape? A stranger? You've got me so confused. And I can find no direction out. Sometimes I hate You. Sometimes I need You. Sometimes I feel guilty. Sometimes I dont know at all.

Hello Vivien, catch up soon, and you can bring me to that emo corner, hope you'e fine, cheer up (:
Hello Tan/lb, thankyou, you cheer up too! ps: Puay&I have a far more exciting plan for our squad than namecards!
Hello Pan, this is rare, I hope things are alright, you cheer up too (:
Hello _ , didnt you promise me? I really hope you wont get hooked and keep running away, really, it's damn painful. So what if it's your own _ & _, dont you know that you're affecting the people around you? Somehow I cant help but feel I'm part of the cause of you _, ey stop it, please. Somehow I knew this was how it woud turn out.
Hello Char, my flag raising partner, we know we did well today, ya la, couldn't have done it without you.
Hello Michelle, congrats, I knew it would be you lor! <3.
Hello Boobians, YOU ARE MY EVERYDAY ! ;D

_

2006-07-25T00:22:00.000+08:00

Fight back the tears.

POPCOMM recess tmr, I'm happy (:
Kayaking 2 star soon, im excited ;D
Chinese test, I dread.

It annoys me,maybe I'm selfish, tell me. Is be because _ so desperate to get _ that _have to _ the same people as _ . Maybe it's my fault for _ away, but I'm just at a loss. And sometimes I really feel this surge of heat washing through me and for that moment I convince myself that _, but then I'm sorry the human brain was made to think so much deeper. Im just so tired of thinking altogether. Why am I such a screwed fucker?

_ , my only escape.

miricles

2006-07-22T16:14:00.000+08:00

Hate me, why wait, move along.

POP was totally fab. I love all my fellow ICs ;D All the tears, joy and laughter we had together, I'm just glad it came out alright. Even on that sad night, some people was just so annoying. I feel damn bad for just walking away while Krys, ShuhYing and Olivia listen hopelessly to all her unreasonable talk. Bitch, you made the nicest people on earth cry. On a lighter note, you people rock so much <3 And Olivia is so not substitue, hell no. (:

POPCOMM06
charlotte, luiza, lynette, natalie, olivia, shuh ying (and the guides, i forgot their names, oops.)

I need to break away from this slacking habit and start doing something. COW

baby, miricles dont exist.

o

2006-07-18T23:08:00.000+08:00

As if

Well i really dont know what I'm doing anymore, maybe cause I'm so freaking in denial, trying to keep myself occupied with superficial things. Its so hard to try not to laugh when stuff are really so damn funny, and because of that i'm feeling deprived ): like I cant even swollow properly let alone laugh. oh and I felt so bad for mel I tried to sing during worship but i think i was so off, stupid throat, oh well, let's just hope they'll be more enthu next time round. And Edward makes me laugh, and his salt and pepper shakers were damn cute la.

And a big thankyou to niangzi and johny and a few others for being my world, not forgetting van for her damnit painful massages, and niangzi was damn sweet (: sorry I couldnt go to your place for movies ): If it werent for you all i wouldnt want to even come to school <3

I dont know to feel happy/reliefed or sad for you considering I havent seen you in about a week, well at least you're meeting iggy tmr i can relax. Although I'm not exactly your closest friend, it pains me to see you this way, not knowing what you maybe doing this very moment and how much I wish I could help. And maybe just stop to think, your life ain't that bad if you foucs only on the happy stuff. They can compare all they want, but who are they to judge you anyway? Dont ask me nit to worry, you dont know how hard it is not to. You really have flowery vocab ;D

oh and cheer up ivan (:

And reality is falling like a final curtain to my feet.

hate

2006-07-16T19:04:00.000+08:00

Write down, to remind Yourself of how it could be
Heartstrings, You're tugging at my heartstrings

Pre POP, too much running around and getting scolded. I cant believe that the sec4s wont be around anymore. It's so hard to imagine that we're in charge now. I feel so unprepared.

Youth Sports Carnival. Quite glad that excess won second for dodge ball, and 4x100m, haha, I said I couldn't run for nuts. But good running ben, alf, joanna, mel. Mel can run, like freaking fast!
Fight like campions, fight fight,
Win like champions, win win,
Fight like campions, win like champions,
All the rest can go fly kite,
Fly kite, fly kite,
All the rest can go fly kite.

And i'm sorry that I've been throwing vugaraties at you everytime that topic comes up. It's not easy to sit and watch this happen to yet another person I care for. I'm trying to visualize and cry all I have to now so that when I really see it I wont, but I really cant bring myself to visualize it. As much as I hate they do to you, I hate what you do to yourself more. And i'm proud of you for hanging on for so long and picking yourself up when they put you down, but please hold on a little more, you know iggy lucien and I will always be by your side and walk this dark path with you. I dont know why they do this to you, but once again, you're worth so much more. <3

And wasn't I the one who told You to say what You mean and to tell me what You feel, and now I'm the one running away. Sorry, but I dont even know who I am anymore. And the thought that has recently gone into my head is trying to convince me that _ . And it hurts me everytime I think that way. And maybe You should consider looking for someone else.
i hate the you that is so fake. but then again, who am i to say anything.
And even though you're not oic/fi, and even though you're not in nominated exco, you're still my idol.

And I'm so sick of love songs, I've changes to something with hate.

tired eyes

2006-07-13T23:30:00.000+08:00

Call me willful, I don't care.

I learnt something new about myself today. I hate it when people force me to say something when I'm obviously not in the mood. It's like they say something and expect a good answer. I realized the only times I give mighty unreasonable answers is when I'm in the unreasonable mood, or willfully stubborn headed, other times I answer for the sake of answering or just cant be bothered to think. And during these times I'm really very unresaonable. I'm shocked by myself everytime I think of my tone or the things I said.

I have no mood to do anything today seriously. And partially cannot be bothered. No, not bad mood, no mood. Today was a really terrible, horrible day for me, maybe because I was pessimistic from the very beginning but ohwell. It felt like everything was against me. I was just doing things for the sake of doing it. I had no idea what the hell I was doing. Oh ya, I practically slept through 45mins of chinese test, and I left so many dang blanks blanks. I guess thats why they're called blanks. They were ment to be blank anyway. Maybe that's why there was never an answer for us. And I kept getting pissed off today, no, I swear it's not pms. Shiyun was damn cute. I malued myself infront of her. I havent been spending as much time with mich, it makes me sad ): and ldf )):

And yes, I appreciate the letter but I'm not really in the thinking mood today. sorry.

And I just read someone's blog and you know who you are, you made me even more depressed, like you rounded up the whole day for me, thanks for making me worry, again. Fucking stand up for yourself you goondu suckerfish ):

Oh ya, mrs tan is damn nice (: and funny

I'm exhausted. Really.

huh

2006-07-08T13:59:00.000+08:00

The beautiful memory or You&I has eroded away
And I cant bring it back
Because it was never meant to be anyway

this whole week flew by so damn fast. haha, i shall rewind and pause only at my favourite parts :

Tuesday:
excess was, funny! I like (: went settlers to play some boardgames and laughed like fuck alot. The whole place was like a mad house. Thankyou you bunch :D

Wednesday:
went toa payoh with sandra and nat, like its so damn sinful to keep eating at pizzahut for no damn reason. we got matching earings (: and i'm poorer by like, twenty plus??

Thusday:
haha, im sure I had fun, but somehow I cant remember what happened because I was too worked up with post interview. sorry, but I'm so in _ . And talk with _ proved that people can be so fake, and it pains me how much things have changed.

Friday:
so I didnt land up in detention, which is unexpected. But we had literature remedial after school, yay ? went out with celestine after that, ate in some hawker center which the pot(her word not mine) claimed had nice food. And the people of kampong glam decided to open the sewers and do godknowswhat and crockroaches start pouring out, like eew?? And jamming is damn nice! Even if you're watching. I like the studio, it's like twice as big as the one we jammed in.

Saturday:
just had tution, i wasnt even awake when he arrived. gonna go for ice cream with ceWONG later befor confirmation mass. oh man I dislike that girl, she refuses to stop calling me naTONG and never fails to show off her extensive vocab. grr. Really hope to go jamming with them later (: oh man the funny bunch. I pray we dont have to sit in classes, i miss attending mass with them :/

And so You can say what You want, but i know myself best. And i give up trying to guess who the she, her them(s) refer to. And I dont hate You all the time, but when I do I it's intense. And so i give trying to understand You. Dont pretend I even did anyway. Cause I was never what You needed, stop thinking that I am. You and I both know that Im not. so im just gonna be a fucking nerd and study, HAHA. ohtheirony.

Yes and ceWONG is gonna dedicate a whole post to me (: I'm happy that my name appeared like five times on her blog alr :D

2am:
well confirmation mass was pretty boring. Kinda embarrassed myself by clapping damnit loudly for francis and aaron. oh my god, it's so stupid and bloody retarded that i didnt know his name was aaron and to think that i've been refering to him as SHAWN. :\ sheeeet. So anyway congrats to all the confirmies this year (: didnt go jamming but went out with melvin joanna ben julia peter daisy edwin & icantspellhisname. went to julia's house to play taboo, man, it was hilarious, i swear. this is how the game goes, you get a card with a word (eg: stomach ache) and you're suppose discribe the word to your partner without using some of the obvious related words. so this is how it went: (boys vs girls)

ben's word was Blush
Ben: when you go out with your girlfriend on a first date, then you will _ .
Mel: bring flowers ??
kiss ?
hold hands?
MUSTERBATHE
ALL: WHALAU (HAHAHAHA)

okay, so it was something like that, hilarious la, and alot more. oreo is cute! i left at about, 12.25? okay im sorry im not a good ic partner ):

She greets the day with he hair wet .
God know she's trying there watching her,
with eyes closed.
And she's taking pictures without me anymore .

normal, maybe

2006-07-04T00:02:00.000+08:00

Are You sure You know what You're saying
This is all denial
You dont _ me

Sometimes keeping things to oneself can be so comforting because no one really knows what you're thinking so no one can jugde or criticize. It's like a shell, people can only see what's going on on the outside and they dont know how cozy it is inside (: it's the littlest thing that gives one great comfort. And I dislike it so much when someone tries to be smart alecky and think they know you and your thoughts but they obviously dont, they think they know you like a book, but all they know is the cover. And it breaks my heart knowing i havent been talking to certain people, for example, my midnight partner, neolihan ): And weird stuff makes me laugh, like when I suddenly thought of 'genie in a bottle' by britney spears while in the toilet(how unglam, i know), i just burst out laughing. And it's hilarious how I got detention for literature, like, wtffff. Seriously, some people just dont know what to do with their time. I'm praying damn hard that my dad will let me go for excess fellowship, I think I need the laughter.Project at orchard library was so redundant, we didnt do anything. Shopping for monk beads proved entertaining.Sandra's _ looked _ today. no, celesther, im still not over the cheekopeh thing ! wthhh. And I'm still not done with holiday homework. Okay, silly random post. (((((:

Everybody's got something they had to leave behind
One regret from yesterday that just seems to grow with time
There's no use looking back or wondering
How it should be now or might have been
Oh this I know but still I can't find ways to let you know

I've never had a dream come true
Till the day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be my baby
I never found the words to say
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be with you
Somewhere in my memory
I've lost all sense of timeand tomorrow can never be cos yesterday is all that fills my mind
There's no use looking back or wondering
How it should be now or might have been
Oh this I know but still I can't find ways to let you go

You'll always be the dream that fills my head
Yes you will, say you will, you know you will
Oh baby, you'll always be the one I know
I'll never forget
There's no use looking back or wondering
Because love is a strange and funny thing
No matter how I try and try I just can't say goodbye

jubilate III

2006-07-02T19:48:00.000+08:00

Jubilate III

Your basket was filled with red roses for everyone,
And mine only had one.

You will never know, how much I wanted to give it to You.
You will never know, how much I wanted to make You smile again.
You will never know, how unaproachable You were that day.
You will never know, how hard it was for me.
And so it remains, this rose shall never look beautiful in Your hands.

Okay, so this shall be the last unhappy post, i shall bring my junk somewhere else, and all those fans of my rubbish, you can find my miserable blog somewhere else. And if there is such a thing as fate, maybe You will find it someday.

2006-07-02T00:12:00.000+08:00

Too bad my computer is a little wacky, just too bad. And now You will never know.

AND TO YOU, CW.
I REALLY DONT WANT TO SEE YOU DO ALL THAT SHIT. YOU KNOW YOU REALLY HURT ME SO BAD. I DONT CARE WHAT THE FUCK THEY SAY ABOUT YOU, BUT I EXPECT YOU TO FUCKING STAND UP FOR YOURSELF, THATS THE LEAST I FUCKING EXPECT FROM YOU. AND IF YOU EVER NEED SOMEONE, JUST KNOW THAT I'M HERE FOR YOU, AND THIS TIME, I SWEAR I WONT NAG. YOU PROMISED ME ONCE THAT YOU WOULDNT, WELL, KEEP TO IT. AND MY LIMBS ARE STILL FREAKING JELLY, SERIOUSLY, I'M FUCKING SCARED.

On a lighter note, i saw chris ivan gerard and idontknowhisname at youth rally, and they saw their silly video, haha, they were damnit funny.

2006-06-27T00:28:00.000+08:00

Your face brings back sweet memories
And the painful memories etched
And yet, I still cant get enough of You
And somehow, i miss You so

And maybe I should write You a letter.
And then again, maybe not .

2006-06-24T17:35:00.000+08:00

CONGRATULATIONS , I HATE YOU (:

ML

2006-06-24T13:33:00.000+08:00

Welcome Love, I have made a place for You here .

So yesterday was spent at sentosa with half the CC3s and we had major fun playing soccer monkey and trying to escape dunks by jansen and the guys and of course, playing with flour. And I say, Jansen is mighty strong, he nearly broke my ribcage while bearhugging me as Ben threw flour on me. And a big thankyou to justin, bertram and denis for the starch in my hair now. After sentosa we went to PS and picniced beside the mrt station. I finally mastered the art of shooting ice ;D I think I'm honna break out in pimples thanks to Lucien and Justin's ice fights. The cab ride back with Lucien, Denis, Selina and Evelyn was hilarious. When we boarded the cab :

Uncle : 'did i see five people?'
Denis : 'No la, you didnt see me, and there are two children here'

Then we went into the tunnel thing which was brightly lit, and then :

Uncle : ' Now everybody can see i have five passengers ! '
Denis : ' Dont worry, you wont be able to see me in 2 minutes'
All : HAHAHA .

denis is indian you see .

We were panicing at the carpark thinking of an excuse for Lucien, and we were so loud I bet his mom could hear us at home. But thank God all is well for him. And as for my nine midyear reviews, HAHAHA . Anyway, thanks to all who were at sentosa for so much fun :D And Happy Birthday Martin.

Maybe tonight, We'll get back together
Sound the alarms and break the levers
The streets are our, our anthem rings
You'd know the truth the walls could sing

If this isn't love
This is the closest I've been
Do You think we have a chance?
Tonight at streetlights, sing on Audrey's song

We are who we were when
Could Have been lovers
But at least You are my day late friend

normal is nothing

2006-06-19T14:56:00.000+08:00

Back from camp yesterday!
haha, i enjoyed camp overall.
esp the late nights with celestine the meanie and polishing badges!
well i'll definately miss that!
And all the crying sessions.
oh well i'm attached to eXcess and I THINK THEY ROCK!
Well actually i've only met like half of them?
:D
but yes, luching with them yesterday was dang fun.
and qi hang after that wrapped everything up. i think they did really well.
so three cheers !
okay, i'm skipping calrose outing.
I'M SO SORRY PEOPLE ):

fcorny

2006-06-15T12:17:00.000+08:00

oh man i still cant stop laughing about that video when chris got eletrocuted, seriously, i cant luagh at it at anytime of the day. I've laughed at it a dozen times already.
fcorny .

hwa hwa hwa

2006-06-15T09:57:00.000+08:00

Are You sure that,
That people don't die of A Broken Heart

Unit outing was somewhat a sucess.
Don't always believe what they say on the weather forcast.
We had fun after that opening coconuts, playing ball and screaming.
And yes, this is the last cut, and I'm somewhat scared, char.
And sway, was realy very nice and sweet, thankyou for all the beautiful songs.
I LOVE MY SWAY.

I can't imangine all the people that You know
and all the places that You go
when the lights are turned down low
adn I don't understand all the things that You see
but I'm slipping inbetweeen
You and Your big dreams
It's always You
In My big dream

and you tell me that it's over
wake up lying in a patch of four leave clovers
adn Your restless, and i'm naked
You've gotta get out
You can't stand to see my shaking
no
could You let me go
I didn't think so

And You don't want to be here in the future
so You say that the present is just a pleasent interuption of the past
And You dont want to look much closer
causeYou're afraid to find out all this hope that You sent into the sky
You had sent into the sky had crashed
And it did
Because of me

And You bring me home
Afraid to find out that You're alone
And I'm sleeping in Your living room
But we dont have much room to live

I had these dreams that I learn to play the guitar
maybe cross the country
And become a rock star
And there was hope in me that I could take You there
But I don't think I care
And if I hurt You
Then I'm sorry
Please don't think that this was easy

Then You bring me home
cause we both know what it's like to be alone
And I'm dreaming of You in Your living room
But we dont have much room to live

And konstantine is walking down the stairs
doesn't she look good in her underwear
And I was thinking
what was I thinking
We've been drinking and it doesnt get me anywhere

My konstantine came walking down the stairs
and all that I could do is touch her long blond hair
And I've been thinking
it hurts me thinking that these nights
When we were drinking no they never got us anywhere

This is because i can spell konfusion with a k
And I like it
It's to die in another's arms and why i had to try it
It's to jimmy eat world and those nights in my car
when the first star that You see may not be a star
I'm not Your star
Isn't that what You said
What You Thought this song meant

And if this is what it takes
just to lie in my mistakes
And live with what I did to You
And all the hell I put You through
I always catch the clock
it's 11:11
and now You want to talk
It's not hard to dream
You'll always be my konstantine

Konstantine, they'll never hurt You like I do
no they'll never hurt you like I do
no, no, no no no no no no

This is to a girl who got in my head
With all the pretty things she said
hey
You know
You keep me up in bed
This is to a girl who got into my head
With all the fucked up things I did
Hey
Maybe
Baby
You could keep me up in bed
my konstantine
Spin around me like a dream we played out on this movie screen
And I said
Did You know I missed You?
oh God I miss You

And then You bring me home
and we'll go to sleep, but this time, not alone, no no
Ansd You'll kiss me in Your living room
i know
You'll miss me in Your living room
Cause these nights maybe that I'll miss You in my living room
we don't haev much room
i said does anybody need that room
becausde we all need a little more room
to live

My Konstantine

hwa ha hwa

ldf

2006-06-13T23:18:00.000+08:00

okay so this morning i woke up feeling so not rested.
was supposed to meet van at school at 10am to study but we never got there, after procastination for damn long we decided to meet at amk station at 1.30pm and i was late. geraldine was suppose to meet us at cine. so i turned up 40mins late and we didnt manage to get nice seats(all were single seaters). We wasted time fretting over the spasticness of sitting alone and eating but got food eventually. And when we finally made it to the theater, the movie had started and we decided to just sit right at the back, on the floor, by the toilet. She's the Man was hilarious, and we three were laughing out heads off(although van was somewhat slow). Overall, we had fun ;D and the guy at the ticket booth was funny and very patient with us, cant rmb his name tho, kaz-smth.

So unit outing tmr, i pray so hard it WONT rain.

ooh ooh, and i just realised i havent bathed, like, ewww.

I LOVE YOU PEOPLE, YOU MADE MY DAY.

s

2006-06-11T22:43:00.000+08:00

Fallen broken on the floor

i'm feeling fucking pissed and easily irritable, and i dont know why.

dfgshberhe

2006-06-10T17:39:00.000+08:00

We ran out of words to rhyme

The past two days have been crappy, but thanks to pan vivien and the ppl we went jamming with, things turned out alright. Despite the fact that i could not play a single thing on bass /: eliton, yes, i finally found out the band's name. So far zero progress with the holiday homework. I think i might be mad (:

fish, they're backkkkk

2006-06-07T20:09:00.000+08:00

If only cuts didn't leave scars

I guess i'll never be a good friend.
I've wasted one and a half weeks of the holidays doing nothing at all.
Sometimes I think I'm so stupid I laugh out loud.

Sometimes it hurts so much I wish we'd stop holding on
Other times I beat myself up for letting You slip away
Most of the times i just miss everything about You
And I'm sorry for being so selfish and putting You through all this

battuta

2006-06-04T23:45:00.000+08:00

BATTUTA

battuta bbq was f-a-b.
I love you guys so so much la!
stephie yingchen Crush peiqi diana wangling olivia fei jun mich and of course,
KENNY.
setting up bbq pit with yingchen Crush & peiqi was hilarious. Crush was damn blur and cute ;D
talking about everything under the sun and watching kenny scream like a ~~gay~~ when the waves wet his shorts and gobble up bacon strips. and of course the photos :D
yes kayaking outing next time, i cant wait ;DDDDD
after saying battuta cheer and bye to kenny we cycled in the dark, mich and I were on doubles again, FUN.
okay, I was screaming throughout the whole day :
I will miss everyone, AGAIN ):
Well, thankyou everyone for the unforgettable day.
And Crush is still freaking cute, boyfriend .
I LOVE BATTUTA .

dhw

2006-06-03T19:43:00.000+08:00

Signs of fimilarity

When I finally convinced myself that I've moved on, everything starts raining down on me again. We both know how fake we've been and how much pretending we've been up to. I'm so tired of everything that I just numb my senses and convince myself that nothing's lacking in my life. Well I must say We're both not too bad at it. But today, I think my mind got too overimaginative and reading all that letters You wrote me in the past, it's feels like i've been thrown back into the water. The emotions I've had in the past few months are so extreme, lust to detest, but now, despite all this shit We've been putting each other through, and how much we've managed to move on or if things took a turn for the worst, it doesn't matter, because You were my idol, and You still are. But it's time to close the chapter, regardless.

I ~~hate~~ You,
But I Love You,
I ~~cant~~ stop thinking about You.

Oh screw this shit .

what's left of me, nick lachey

2006-05-28T16:04:00.000+08:00

You walk away
I can barely see You

Second class, I'm not sure if i'm going to pass.
My boots are so screwed.

Watch my life pass me by
In the rearview mirror
Pictirese frozen in time
Are getting clearer
I dont wanna waste another day
Stuck in the shadow of my mistake

Cause I want You
And I feel You
Crawling underneath my skin
Like a hunger
Like a burning
To find a place I've never been
Now I'm broken
And I'm faded
I'm half teh man I though I would be
But You can have what's left of me

I've been dying inside
Little by little
No where to go
But going out of mty mind
In endless circles
Running from myself until
You give me a reason for standing still

Falling faster
Barely breathing
Give me something to believe in
Tell me it's all in my head
Take what's left of this man
Make my whole once again

I've been dying inside You see
I'm going out of my mind
I'm just running in circles all the time
Will you take what's left of me?

2006-05-21T00:06:00.000+08:00

Easier to Run

I was young but I wasn't naive
I watched helpless
As you turn to leave
A past so deep
That you could not bury if You tried

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make You see it
Couldn't make You see it
That I loved You more
Than You will ever know
And part of me died
When I let You go

I would fall asleep
Only in hopes of dreaming
That everything
Would be like it was before
But nights like this are slowly fleeting
They disappear as relaity is crashing to the floor

After all this why
Would You ever want to leave
Maybe you could not believe it
That my love for You was blind
But I couldn't make You see it
That I loved You more than You will ever know
And a part of me died
When I let You go

And everything she does is beautiful .

You&you

2006-05-19T23:04:00.000+08:00

When the dust settles, it covers up the past.

The two people of my life, You and you.

you: I remember what we use to be last time, the bond of closeness we shared, the jokes we laughed about, but slowly but surely it all fades away. I dont know how it happened, but like the waves crash upon the rocky banks, the rocks soon crumble. I know it seems like I dont really care, but I do, and I cling on to the sweet memories we had, and I know things will never be quite the same again, and I dont hope or wish for anything, but I'm writing this to tell you, I still love you. And sometimes I still look back and try to find out what went wrong, and swear at all the regrets, but you took away piece of my heart, and it'll never be quite the same again. I miss the times we spent together.

You: I dont know where we are now. I guess there's no where to move but forward. It doesnt matter anyway, You'll pull through eitherway, and when You look back You'll find it so funny and gay. 'just keep swimming, swimming, swimming.'

Little Known Facts :
1. Sitting with sandra is boring yet fun, we laugh at each other when things get boring
2. I had a great time laughing with Boobians and biantai stuff only we understood (:
3. shanshan is funny and egoistic, she shits while spraying Impulse :4. playing 'old maid' , 'happy family' , 'donkey' & chinese chess is fun though childish
5. natlow is deaf, we have communication breakdown and she's nice to laugh at
6. I still want obs
7. I am highly self-entertained and easily amused

Here comes the rain again
Falling from the stars
Drenched in my pain again
Becoming who we are
As my memories rest
Never forgot what I lost

Battuta

2006-05-12T15:38:00.000+08:00

Battuta

Battuta
total strength: 16 + 1
junyin jaslin olivai huiyu val me michelle inez si'en joycelyn diana yingchen regina stephnie wangling
Instructor : KENNY leong wai seng

obs was fab. I so dont want it to end.

Day 1
reached punggol jetty at 8 and waited for some unknown reason till 9 plus. walked to the parade square where we were divded into our groups (Armstrong Amunsen Battuta ChengHo) Mich and I were in the same group but van went to Amunsen. still quite sore with Cladius for not going or else it'll be a prefect clique camp :( played some ice breaker and checked out store. collected our food rations and set off to learn how to belay. pitched tents and Kenny taught us how to pitch tents.

Day 2
We woke up around 4am to pack our food rations and clothes. Set off for camp 1 on kayak, theory was ratehr boring though. After arriving we were not allowed to bateh, only rinse our clothes of salt water and pitched tents. We had our lunch before heading of to do high obstacles. Had fun belaying though I didnt get to do the obstacles cause of an approaching hunderstorm. Dinner afterwards and Kenny taught us how to use the compass and read maps. Had night circle and watched a performance by Cheng Ho our buddy group. Rather hilarious.

Day 3
Me and Jun were the what-you-call-that, navigators? Thank god we didnt get majorly lost though Keny forgot where the clue was and we had to climb all the way to the top of Puka. jun and I had to put on a brave front (: and boy Jun can walk fast la. Kenny was sweet cause he did something. We had loads of fun during the land expedition. Reached our campsite with was pretty much land, no buildings nothing. Had to use rocks weigh the tent and fly sheet down cause ground was darn hard, therefore out tent was pretty much screwed. We were shown to out oh-so-disgusting toilet which was pretty much just rocks and sand. eww. Had dinner and met the instructors regarding the sea expedition the next day and boy was I feeding the mosquitos and sandflies. Sentuary duty was rather screwed and teh groups got mixed up, but rather fun cause we did it two groups at a time.

Day 4
The starting of day four was pretty much screwed and things didnt go as planned but thank goodness for the st nicks spirit and everyone's optimism we managed to stick to our schedule. Many apologies to everyone if I went too fast or didnt wait up long enough. I switched kayaking partners and kayaked with vanfor the rest of the journey, she was very funy and we were busy humoring ourselves amongst the dirty water. For the last 200meters van and I chionged for camp 2 and amazingly were able to reach there without capaizing on top of being the first to arrive. Well Im just glad that we completed the expedition in good timing although we didnt break the record. We cleaned the kayaks and had water fight and did ai wo shen ni ge la . Kenny looked seriously gay though :\ Pitched our tents and cooked rice. It was the last day and the atmostphere was somewhat clam and soothing and we saved rice for Kenny who later proclaimed it 'not bad la' after taking three mouthfuls. t started to drizzle and we refused to move so we took steph's jacket and 'protected' Kenny's rice. We did the Family dance for Kenny and the other instructors got jealous. HAHA. Wrote in our journals until it started to pour and had to go indoors. couldnt sleep in our tents as it was pourng very heavily and our tents were soakedo we had to sleep at the set parade square. that stupid gay guy who's name sounded like algae was darn irritating. hurr. We stole Kenny's markers(which appeared to be algae's) to make his present and he cleaverly exposed us. But Kenny was nice and totally oblivious. He walked us to teh sleeping area and switched on the fans for Battuta only (: very sweet. We decided to wake up at 4.30 so the instructors would be less suspicious but we couldnt wake up in the end. I had a hard time getting to sleep as I was darn scared and bunked in with michelle and grabbed her hand to sleep. Very grateful to WangLing for her comforting words and being there for me.

Day 5
We met Kenny at the area near the jetty at 6am for morning circle. Everyone was rather emotional cause we didnt really want to part. We talked for a long time until the sun came up and unpitched tents and checked our stored. But wangling diana and I were busy chionging kenny's present and managed to complete it in time :DDD Bt then I really didnt want to part and all and had a bloody hard time holding back my tears. kenny kinda saw hald the present and said 'if you call have anything to give to me you call can give to me now or else lets go' and we were 'oh dont have la' and his face fell :\ He was plesently suprised when he found out our present for him was rather big and all. WE ARE A BUNCH OF BLOODY SWEET PEOPLE I DARESAY. So we too a photo with our buddy watch Cheng Ho and instructors and set off after de-briefing.

I hate the feeling of knowing that you will never see a place or person again and have to live with it for a period of time, it just totally sucks. Well Kenny, if you ever read this, We'll, oh fine, I"LL MISS YOU. And of course the whole of BATTUTA.
battuta we bonded so much in shuch a short peroid of time, the bonds we have are everlasting and I wouldn't go through this with anyone else but YOU GUYS.
For its not the destination that matters but the journey.

I'm gonna think about this and cry for a long peroid of time I say. I so hate the rat race. I miss Kenny and Battuta already.

goodnight angels .

unit day

2006-05-05T22:29:00.000+08:00

Without a glance

Today was okay in general although we had like three tests. Thanks to LDF and den covie germ for loads of fun. We went to cine and manages to get tickets on the same row, so we basically had the whole row to ourselves :D When A Stranger Calls isnt very scary, while the five of them had their legs on the seat, mich and i were laughing our heads off. Thriller cum comedy? Well the only thing that freaked me out was mich's hands which will grab frantically at me when she's scared. hurr. After that we walked around orchard, LFD wanted to get matching undies from topshop -.-" but we didnt in the end ): So while the others went home, me had mich went to novena square for ben&jerry's :D fattening tho. I'm kinda looking forward too obs, kayaking! But most importantly the people there and no school! Mich is my official high partner, she makes me high without fail, well most of the time la, so came will be good with her and van, too bad geri's not going, hurr. 'Your heart's been broken so many times, whats the difference' well she's right.

And what's the worst You can take
From every heart You break
And like the blade You stain
Well I've been holding on tonight

What is the worst that I can say
Things are better off this way
So long and Goodbye
So long and Goodbye

heartbreak

2006-05-01T18:01:00.000+08:00

I don't want to lose this feeling
That you're giving me everytime i need it

my geog assignment is so screwed. Mainly cause I haven't started at all cause haven't been listening in class and I dont know where to start. hurr.

Someday we'll know
If love can move mountains
Someday we'll know
Why the sky is blue
Someday we'll know
Why I wasn't ment for You

No one needs to know what I'm trying to do,
No not even You
But just know that whatever I do
I'm doing it for the good of You

Funny how much I dont know about You

Firefly

2006-04-29T21:47:00.000+08:00

You shed tears for the wrong reasons.

Firefly, Firefly in my jar,
You light my darkest nights with your spark,
Your beauty and raidiance captivated me at sight,
But that same poise I fail to see now, try I might.

Your curiosity and boldness I once adored,
Seemed to draw us apart, we both know,
The jar suspending You between Fairytale and Reality,
You no longer prance around with glee.

Your wings have grown sore from bouncing off these walls,
You're longing for something my jar cannot offer,
And although I'd love to keep You by my side,
A Firefly bound by walls can never be pleased,
So I wipe away these silly tears of mine,
So paste a happy smile on my face,
And pray You'll be happy once again.

For the life I once borrowed has expired,
You are no longer a prisioner of mine,
But before I set You free into the night,
I'll hold You close for one last time,
Thankyou for lighting up my Life,
But it's time to say goodbye.

And I almost had You.

2006-04-29T06:32:00.000+08:00

'If You're not part of the solution, You must be the problem'
And so, thats my cue

Together, it doesn't feel right at all
Together, Together we've built a wall
Togather holding hands we'll fall

So lately, been wondering
Who wll be there to take my place
When I'm gone You'll need love
To light the shadows on Your face
If a great wave shall fall and fall upon us all
Then between the sand and stone
Could You make it on Your own

If I could, then I would
I'll go wherever You will go
Way up high, or down low
I'll go wherever You will go

And maybe, I'll find out
A way to make it back someday
To watch You, To guide You
Through the darkest of Your days
If a great wave shall fall and fall upon us all
I hope there's someone out there
Who can bring me back to you

Run away with my heart
Run away with my hope
Run away with my love

I know now, just quite how
My love and life might still go on
In Youre heart, in Your mind
I'll stay with You for all of time

If I could turn back time
I'll go wherever you will go
If I could make You mine
I'll go wherever You will go

There's a place waiting just for you
A special place where all Your dreams come through
Fly away swim the ocean sea
Drive that open road, leave the past behind You

My lips are sealed

BAH

2006-04-25T22:25:00.000+08:00

When we pretend

I think our current sitting arrangement rocks. It's freaking nice but i miss cinch tho she's just in front of me. 2.4 kinda sucked. i dont like my timing, sheesh. Tiong's aiming for 10 plus, all i can say is: oh, my, God. Faith is starting to rock, i love physics with the non-physic ppl. Making pompoms has become an everyday thing in our class, I like :D After PE or morning jog or anytime, the three of us will smell the same cause of Sandra, she likes the idea of everyone smelling the same. I seriously dont know why I'm blogging so much suddenly. Our zaobao is so screwed :
'I don't understand why some people cannot emphatise or be sensitive. It's as if they have a list of who to pity and who to critise and dispise. They are freaks, ot tjose on their stupid 'freaklist'. Why is it so difficult to be in their shoes, why cant you stop? If its fun for you it isn't for them, you know that.' quoted from cherry's blog. I think this makes alot of sense, yeah, sometimes we should put outrselves in their shoes and be less mean and insulting.

lu my darling cruch is damn sweet :D <3

You're looking for something you can't find.

happy now

2006-04-24T00:30:00.000+08:00

Look me in the eye, and tell me that You're happy now.

I haven't swam in ages. Today was rather fun, anges, enid and I had a jolly good time embarrassing ourselves. I'm the 'youngest' at lifesaving and it doesnt help that I forgot ALL my strokes. I learnt some a new stroke, the eggbeater. Extreme, I'm the juniorest and they're the seniorest. Instead of getting out of the pool and joining the others, we three just fooled around i the pool :D

Okay so tmr's the new sitting arrangement. I bet we three ain't gonna pay attention in class :D I hope all goes well. I'm so not looking forward to next week, the same stuff over&over again.

One more kiss could be the best thing
One more lie could be the worst
All these thoughts are never resting
You're not something I deserve

Once broken considered sold

Mountain

2006-04-22T21:19:00.000+08:00

I wasn't on a mountain
When it came to me
All my life's been wasted
Chasing shallow dreams

well is term's been passing real quick. suddenly so many things that have to be done. and it doesn't help that i've aleady got more that one F9 in one subject :\ Everything's piling up and i don't know how long i can go on. Fuck. My life's a mess. probation is taking hell alot of our time. I guess my partners rock, thankyou all for everything.

So tell me what you want Cause I'd give you anything
Tell me what you need and I'll go get it
I'll give up all these dreams to have you in my arms again
I'll give up every thing and I'd forget it

Just go. Turn your back and leave. It hurts so much but I'll be over in awhile. Baby this i promise you, I'll keep this space in my heart just for You.

2006-04-15T00:13:00.000+08:00

When you drop your necklace down the well,
the only way to get it back is to fall in after it.

well my mother made me embarrass myself during mass. okay i dont know but she claims it was a good thing. wth. well i'm really sorry celestine, for getting carried away with my complaining and not accompanying you to Praise&Worship. So i left mass halfway after than and went to the void deck. i called out and she came to me. It was like she understood how i felt. Everybody needs someone sometimes. <3

well all this perfectionist rubbish is killing me. I feel so stupid, silly and niave now. I've withdrawn myself from so many people. Its like a hole in a water jar, everythings gets eroded away. joyluck.

But every corner I turn
I see Your face
And every thought i have
Will lead me back to You

.

2006-04-12T23:04:00.000+08:00

I'm tired. I can't go on.

I'll throw away all my past memories of you. And with it all the hopes of us ever being close again. When others siad you changed, I'd speak up for you, but now I see it with my very own eyes. I dont know you anymore.

2006-04-12T01:00:00.000+08:00

Life's a bitch, Fucking is just an everyday thing.

First of all, today went horridly, there were so many people we got to me. but of course there were those who made things a little better, ABBYCHANG :D and yes, im so not going to pass bio tmr, believe me please.

Well I dont know what to do, I dont know what to expect, I dont know what to feel. All I've been getting are mixed thoughts. You seem happier nowadays, but then again i dont know cause You hardly express it, but somehow something tells me deep down inside that things will be better this way, at least You're happier. I dont want it to be like last time, when we'll cry all the time, at least know i see You happy and laughing occasionally, fake however it seems at times, but i could always pretend that You were really happy. Both You and I know that normal is close to impossible, sometimes i wish for more, but then again five seconds later i tell myself that I'm lucky to know You and wasted so much of our time already. Probation gave me hope, at least we talked abit and You laughed, i tried to picture us close, but seconds later Reality will tell me it will never be the same. I feel like telling You that You have so many people around you who can make You happier than I ever had, but the I question myself will I be able to put it in the past? I dont know. Really.

A little piece of paper with a picture drawn
Floats down the streets until the wind is gone
And the memory now is like the picture was then
When the paper's crumpled up
It can't be perfect again

yet again

2006-04-10T21:30:00.000+08:00

Memories consume, like opening the wounds
I'm picking me apart again

sheesh i really dont know what im doing anymore. its like i'm beginning to lose grip of everything, christina tan expects me to hand in all assignments on time just because i was consistant last term, im human, sometimes i cant okay, sheesh. well i guess i've drifted from a few ppl and let others down.
celestine we havent been talking much, i hope you're doing fine (: you're beautiful, no matter what they say, no words can bring you down
michelle hey it's alright okay? i'll be here for you. be strong love, i know you'll pull through (:
boonfong i'm sorry okay? dont cry please :\

I hit you and you hit me back
The rest of the day stands still
A fine line between this and that
When things go wrong i pretend that the past is't real
Now i'm trapped in this memory
And i'm left in the wake of the mistakes slow to react
Even though you're so close to me
You're still so distant
And i can't bring you back

again

2006-04-06T00:08:00.000+08:00

Just clench your fists and move along

talking to cc/neo makes me laugh to my computer screen :
yet i wish for things to remain this way if you were happy.

This time, This place
Misused, Misplaced
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait?
Cause You know

That I love you
I have loved you all along

I wanted you to stay
Cause I need to hear you say
That I love you
I loved you all along
And i forgive you
For being away for far too long

You&Me

2006-04-03T23:28:00.000+08:00

It hurts so much I can't even look you in the eye

I suppose faith has gotta be the worst class ever. All the teachers are getting irritated. Even tan lee lee who's like the nicest teacher? hurr. i feel guilty. cinch and i slept throught her lesson :\ Somebody wake me up please, i dont know what the hell i'm doing anymore. Sorry boon ):
I miss TWOWISDOM05 alot now ):

I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do about you now.

And all the roads we have to walk are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are so many things I would like to say to you
But I don't know how

2006-03-28T22:49:00.000+08:00

This morning, i woke up for a dream of you.

I'm glad I passes Amaths. Rather fortunate to be sitting with cinch. Lets just say I'm a very good influence on ppl, she's become so neat, suddenly. Well tmr's her bithday, so Happy Fifteen cinchmydear! :D I'm so going to fail tmr's chinese common test :\ hurr.

I knew it, right from the begining, how things would end. I though that isolation would bring about better days, but I was wrong. So many words left unsaid, so many things unexplained, maybe they were never meant to be explained. The pain everyday is overwhelming. Everyday we fall deeper.

im so tired of being here
supressed by all my childish fears
and if you have to leave
i wish that you would just leave
beacuse your presence still lingers here
and it wont leave me alone

these wounds dont seem to heal
the pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot earase

when you cried i'd wipe away all your tears
when you screamed i'd fight away all of your fears
and i've heald your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me

you use to captivate me
by your resonating light
but now i'm bould by the life you left behind
~~your face still haunts my once pleasent dreams~~
~~your voice it chaces away all the sainaty in me~~

i've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
and thought you're still with me
i've been alone all along

When everything was most beautifiul.

fake smile

2006-03-20T00:22:00.000+08:00

~~this is, the last smile, i'll fake for the sake of being with you.~~
everything falls apart, even the people who never frown eventually break down, the sacrifice is never knowing, why i never walked away, why i treat myself this way, but now i see, your testing me, it pushes me away.

i dont know why, but i feel very energetic, maybe its because i slept in the afternoon. i'm sad that Leo isn't the star idol. i should have voted. oh yes. and i learnt a new word ytd. EPITOME. haha, ytd fun yet boring. Mocktails are nice. Dinner was a joke, I hate steamboat. I have a feeling I'm going to get F9 for both my languages. wth. Thank goodness we have monday off, i like. (: i hope your ear doesn't hurt anymore celestine (:

being a perfectionist is causing me misery.

its all about us, run away if we must.

2006-03-12T23:10:00.000+08:00

I hope you're doing fine out there without me,
cause i'm not doing so good without you.
the things I thought you'd never know about me,
were the things i guess you always understood.

So how could i have been so blind for all these years?
I guess i only see the truth through all this fear,
and living without you

And everything i have in this world,
And all that I'll ever be,
It could all fall down around me,
Just as long as i have you,
Right here by me

I can't take anotehr day without you,
cause baby, I could never make it on my own,
Cuase I've been waiting so long, just to hold you,
And be back i your arms where I belong

Sorry I can't always find the words to say,
But everything i ever know gets swept away,
Inside of your love.

As the days grow long I see,
time is standing still for me
when you're not here

&.
Nobody's going to love me better
I must stick with you
Forever
Nobody's going to take me higher
I must stick with you
You know how to appreciate me
I must stick with you
My baby
Nobody ever made me feel this way
I must stick with you

dont forget about us.

2006-03-11T00:48:00.000+08:00

Here I am on The phone again,

and Awkward silence is On the other end

I used to know the sound Of a smile in your voice

But right now (right now) All I feel (All I feel)

Is the pain of the fighting Starting up again

All the things we talk about

You know they stay on my mind

On my mind

All the things we laugh about

They'll bring us through it every time

After time after time

Don't say a word

I know you feel the same

Just give me a sign

Say anything, say anything

Please don't walk away I know you wanna stay

Just give me a sign

Say anything, say anything

Some say that, time changes

Best friends can Become strangers

But I don't want that

No, not for you

If you just stay with me, we can make it through

So Here we are again

The same old argument

And now I'm wonderin' If things'll ever change, yeah

When will you laugh again?

Laugh like you did back when

We'd make noise till 3 AM and the neighbours would complain

All the things we talk about

You know they stay on my mind

On my mind

All the things we laugh about

They'll bring us through it every time

After time after time

I'm falling, I'm falling
I'm falling down
Down, Down Down

Don't say a word

I know you feel the same

Just give me a sign

Say anything, say anything

Please don't walk away

I know you wanna stay

If you'll just give me a sign

Say anything, say anything

Don't say a word (Please don't leave)

I know you feel the same

Just give me a sign

Say anything, say anything

Please don't walk away (Please don't leave)

I know you wanna stay

Just give me a sign

Say anything, say anything

here's a letter for you, but the words get confused, and the conversation dies. apologize for the past, talk some shit take it back, how we curse through this life.

if i could change, i would, take back the pain i would, retrace every wrong move i made, i
would. if i could stand up and take the blame, i would. if i would take all the pain to the grave.
sometimes i remember, the darkness of my past, bringing back these memories i wish i didnt have. sometimes i feel like letting go, and never looking back, and never moving forward so there'll never be a past.

you loved me but you dont know who i am, so let me go, just let me go.

i believe you because i love you more than life.

cc prelims

2006-02-25T23:05:00.000+08:00

i am inspired by celestine? heh .

i wont say today's pitch was lousy, it was just the flagpole. i think both basha and gadget did terrific (:
seriously i was so damn nervous and as soon as i started walking into the competition area i started tearing.and soon as the long horn was blown my heart like jumped?
being nervous really doesnt help, i realised.

team a
we all trained really hard, i dont care for the end product anymore, because what matters most is the team spirit and that we all share the same knowledge that we really put in out best. even if we dont make it to the finals, im just glad that we went through this together. i wouldn't go through this with anyone else. everybody please dont be sad anymore.

krys
hey you, dont be sad! its really no fault of yours! the basha turned out very well and i'm really proud of you! you really contributed alot to this team and you should be proud of yourself! please dont make me feel that i grabbed the wrong thumb for nothing!
tan
twine mistress! i think your round and sheer were good! relax alright! you did your best!
lu
you connected ponchos well! i didnt see any holes! 'we were inspired by the graident' like a pro! (:
joy
oh my you were trying to comfort me but you ended up crying so hard yourself! yes joy, we are a team, and we did rather well overall, 2/3 were good. i'm glad you stayed through with us, because frankly, i think we'll be rather incomplete without you! (:
val
haha, your muffin! its nice! though you sacked me from my tying dustbin job i still love you alot! gadget stood proudly, yes?
sohteng
haha, i know you're angry with pa, we all do as a matter of fact! i didnt mean the go away part, we'll be hollow and lifeless without you! well we'll continue to jiayou wont we?
rebecca
stop blaming your triangle! it was alright! and its not your fault, please dont be sad!you really scared my in fish & co. you know! you're irreplaceable.
joanna . partner
save the best for the last right? its not your fault, we really couldnt do it without you, you know. it was the ground's fault, we did the best out of the situation. all the trainings we spent together were really enjoyable. and all your efforts to boost our moral, we appreciated. i really wouldnt do this with anyone but you. you really are the best partner anyone could ask for, please dont cry anymore. we're in this together, remember?
shi yun
i doubt you'll read this but i just want to let you know that your presence during every training was really appreciated. i really felt very insecure when you had to leave you know? oh yes, and your very cute ! smile alright?
viven
you, super observant but for the wrong thing! i was looking forward to your post on prelims but diary-x had to crash. trainings would be boring without your constant 'i want to see mc!' we'll go fish & co. at novena some time soon yes?

im really very proud of team b, my heart really skipped a beat when you all erected the flagpole! well done snccc!
and a big thankyou to our trainers,
ming li, gloria, liping, xiangling
(ma'am)

for you, team, i'll be strong .
for you, team, i'll move along .
for you, team, i'll brave through anything .
for you, team, i gave my all .

see the impact of celestine? im so positive , suddenly.
i'll be seeeing you tmr !
and its wong, minus the w !

2006-02-22T00:16:00.000+08:00

ironic.
how much i wish for both teams to get into finals yet how much i wish for us not to.
final means more training, more fun, laughs, hand aches,
but less time for studies?
i dont know anymore, but all i know is that we've come so far and we shouldn't throw it away.
i know we all can , lets not disappoint out trainers and ex ma'ams?
and everyone is important.
yes, even you pan (:

well i think my chinese sucks, i'm so screwed.
even if my world crumbles, i'll still have you to fall back on.